Graham R White wrote a beautiful piece about men and women. I though it was important to share.


It’s not a woman’s responsibility to support a man as he discovers himself. Men don’t require sympathy to grow, we actually require a push to step up.

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In times past and in other cultures around the world men went through rigorous rites of passage. The reason those initiations were so intense was to prove to him that he could overcome things so challenging they seemed they might destroy him.

Unfortunately, we insulate boys from these types of challenges, even going so far as to not have ‘winners’ and ‘losers’. Young men live at home well into adulthood because we don’t want things to be too hard for them while they “Find themselves”.

Today we have men struggling to define themselves and understand what Evolved women want well into their 40’s.

Rather than going out, doing their work and facing their fears, many men spend their energy in pursuits of escape or attempting to nurse off the emotional support of kind women.

The most common comments from men on this page are about how we all need support from each other, how we need to do it together. Many women are drawn into this and feed men with sympathy thinking they’re being helpful.

It’s not a woman’s role to soothe a man, it’s a man’s role to step through his fears and learn to become decisive and courageous despite of them. This isn’t cruel, it’s part of what it takes for a man to define himself as an individual.

The good news for men is that when we stop debating, complaining, and looking for excuses, put our head down and do the work the answers appear on their own.

That’s our process. We just do it – swallow our ego, start- and face the possibility of failure and rejection.

The way I finally understood women was by dating, making a fool of myself, getting rejected, breaking some hearts, and having mine broken – it’s messy, it can hurt, you can feel like a jerk or even end up have to admit you were one.

Date while you wait, but once he demonstrates a lack of focus or lack of intention, that’s your cue to lean back and let him do his work. It’s not your job to nurse him through it.

Once a man takes the risk, does the work and defines himself he can choose a partner with clarity and confidence rather than settling for the best he thinks he can get.

And THAT woman knows that he’s chosen her over every other woman in the world – and BOTH feel like the luckiest person on earth.

Support the man who’s clear about who he is, what he’s here to accomplish, and what he’s looking for and let the ones who are still working it out have the space to do it on their own.

Graham R White

+Michelle DeBerge

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About the Author

Michelle has over 20 years experience in coaching, leadership and motivation. She is passionate about creating a community for growth, healing and support. She has been recognized for her work both locally and nationally. She inspires audiences and clients with her down to earth stories of struggle and growth. She believes that being authentic has been the key to her success.

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