Are you carrying around anger and resentment? Keeping those emotions inside of you can make you unhappy, frustrated, feel helpless and they can actually make you feel physically ill. I have 3 steps to release anger and resentment. 

[Tweet “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.―Nelson Mandela”]

First thing to do is to breathe. You are releasing this for you and not anyone else. The other person is not affected about how bad you feel or how you are hurting. Releasing is all about you and how you feel. When you let anger and resentment go, you will feel better, in more control, be able to find your inner joy again and so much more!

3 Steps to Releasing Anger and Resentment

1. Forgive

Forgiveness is not about the other person it is about you. When you can let go and forgive it releases you from the anger, the tie to the other person and from all of that angst. The forgiveness process is about letting go and taking care of yourself.


2. Write a Letter

Write a letter that you will never send. Begin each sentence with “I am angry that…”. Do this over and over until you have no more sentences that can start with “I am angry that”. For some it may just be a page and for others more. You can’t do this wrong. By writing the sentences this way you release the emotion that is holding you back.

3. Look for the Gold

In every life event, there is gold to be found, a life lesson. After you have done steps one and two, think back to the event and ask yourself what you learned from this experience that is positive. How did it make you stronger or help you grow. This takes the event (that you have now forgiven and released the emotion from) and looks at the positive side. There is something to be learned in every event.

After you have done the 3 steps, if the anger and resentment rises again, ask yourself which step you need to do again. As with any healing process, it is like an onion. You heal one layer at a time and you may need to go back a few times to heal the other layers. When this happens it is not a step backwards but another step towards totally healing it.


+Michelle DeBerge

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For more help in releasing the anger and resentment and healing, contact Michelle DeBerge.

About the Author

Michelle has over 20 years experience in coaching, leadership and motivation. She is passionate about creating a community for growth, healing and support. She has been recognized for her work both locally and nationally. She inspires audiences and clients with her down to earth stories of struggle and growth. She believes that being authentic has been the key to her success.

  • What a great post and I think I am guided by the Universe in reading these posts. It is so timely!!!

    I have been struggling with the past. Now I will write that letter and let you know, next time that I seem to be going over things in the past (I do a lot)

    Thank you for the great post and steps.

    • Lilliana, if you would like some support with the letter I would be happy to hold space for you to do that as a gift. Just use my calendar on my site and click the jumpstart button on it, that will book a free 20 minutes. I can help you prepare for it or hold space to listen to it. I have written many of these myself and it helps to have a witness. I appreciate you sharing that the letter might help you. I really hope it does. It helps to release all of the energy. Just note anything you are upset with might come out at the same time too. Sort of like an inner clearing. I would love to hear how it works for you!

    • Thank you for sharing. Holding it in can actually make you physically sick as well as unhappy. Find a way to let it out in a healthy manner. You will feel so much better. Let me know if I can help in any way.

  • I think what it took me a long time to understand about forgiveness is that you are not excusing the acts of the person that hurt you. What you are doing is cutting the hold he or her has on you. I suspect people misunderstanding forgiveness is a common misunderstanding, and the cause of a lot of misery. Great that you explained this so clearly.

    • Thank you. Forgiveness does not mean we forget or let it happen again. It just releases us from that hold. I remember when I learned that years ago it was life changing.

  • Thank you for your words of wisdom, Michelle. I know from experience how anger and resentment can harm you physically, and I am still reeling from it and trying to recover. I appreciate your insight. Peace to you.

    • Thank you Jeanne. It can really make you physically ill. I am sorry to hear that it has effected you. Let me know if I can help at all.

  • Hi Michelle,

    I like what you said about releasing anger for yourself and no one else. The faster one can forgive, the faster we can move on and let go of the anger. Thank you for the wonderful tips!

  • Thank you Michelle. A solid reminder and confirmation for allowing ones self to be lifted from the weight of anger even worse resentment.

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